Champagne Brunch (And A Toast To Honoring Lessons Learned At The Beach)

Lots Of Champagne. We Particularly Liked the Bitch Bubbly.

Last Sunday, I emerged from the solitude of the beach trip to go to a champagne brunch hosted by my new friend, Marjie. 

After our time away at the beach, I'm feeling more able to deal with all of the medical challenges ahead of me and ready to socialize again. I'm also working hard to maintain some of the solitude I enjoyed at the beach.

Before we left for the beach, I scheduled all of my medical appointments such as PT, counseling, massage, and regular check-ins with my medical team first. Then, if there was any time left on the calendar, I'd look to find a time to visit with a friend or to write. 

This left my soul feeling empty and left me feeling consumed by my health issues.

Marjie: A Mini Martha Stewart!

Upon arriving home, I scheduled in 'dates' with friends first. Then, I added in more medical appointments. This month is a little lopsided towards medical outings because of our time away--it means squeezing in the GI doc, PCP, cardiologist, naturopath, etc. before I can hopefully even out my schedule a little more.

Still, I'm working hard to figure out what it is I learned at the beach that I what to fiercely protect and preserve now that I am home.

Me, Tara and Christine

Part of the nature of chronic illness is it's uncertainty, it's ups and downs that make planning difficult, and the always present possibility that plans will need to be altered, changed or cancelled. These ups and downs can also mean needing to focus more on medical needs than I might otherwise prefer!

In light of these restrictions, I still hope to focus on the following:

1. Making time for friends and family

2. Making time away from friends and family

3. Making dates with Mom to watch a TV show, a movie or go on an outing to lunch, to shop, to go for a drive, to go for a StRoll

4. Considering carving out time to try online dating (unless you have someone to send to my doorstep)

5. Turning my phone off at night so that I can focus on the puppies, a TV show, an audiobook, etc. AND getting to sleep earlier

6.  Committing to writing and blogging

7. Seeking out a connection with other Jewish people and with Judaism

8. Making time for my fur babies, including working with a trainer

9. Continuing to work with our caregiving group to simplify and make our spaces feel more like home

10. Remembering the importance of BEING and taking the time to just BE

Lots of PINK!

That's quite a list!  

Even though I do not have a job, a husband, a family, etc. I do work very, very hard every day. As you know, I have worked tirelessly to seek out ways to improve my health. I also get through every day with about 25% of the energy of my friends. Being able to honor these ten items, while still taking care of my health needs, is a tall order.

Some of these items will be easier than others to accomplish. 

Taking time away from friends means not being constantly available at any time, not being hyper vigilant all of the time, and recognizing that it is okay to respond later.

Dating and committing to writing means facing my fears surrounding both of these things.

Mom and I often, like most people, get so wrapped up in the day to day demands that we go months without doing something fun or enjoyable together. We are committing to making 'dates', even if it is to watch a TV show together as we did tonight.

The Hostess With The Mostess

I'm so thankful for the clarity that the time at the beach gave me. It feels amazing to have such clarity about what I really want in life right now--something that I've felt has been missing. 

I'd be dishonest if I didn't admit that I have no idea how I will make all of these ten things work! It's going to be a work in progress. What makes me the most sad, on a constant daily basis, is the ways in which my energy level limits my ability to pursue my passions. 

Without dismissing that sadness, I recognize how far my health has come that I can even make this list.

Marjie's Fun Game

One thing that I have been craving for a very long time is meeting other Jewish people and connecting with Judaism. This is not a new topic here on my blog--I've struggled with my relationship with G-d, longed for spiritual connection with others, desired meeting other Jewish people, and craved creating a more Jewish life.

Over the winter holiday, I attended a wine and cheese party where I met some young Jewish women. Just to be able to say I went to a wine and cheese party feels pretty cool! :) The event connected me with Marjie, who is fast becoming a friend with whom I think I could grow and learn and have fun. We both work hard to balance the health issues in our lives with living fully and joyfully.

After the wine and cheese party, I arrived home feeling an intense joy and an intense sadness--grief  and gratitude coexisting as they so often do. 

Joy. Joy that I could attend the event; joy that I met new people; joy that I broke Shabbos with other Jews; joy that I got to dress up and go out; joy that the young women seemed to accept me and want to be my friend in spite of illness.

Grief. Grief that afterwards I was up all night with an ANS storm from the overstimulation of a big group of people and the exertion it took to attend; grief that I felt so different from the other young women there; grief that I never know how to answer the question 'What do you do?'; grief that I could only attend for 1 1/2 hours while others stayed for several in addition to having a full day of other activity. 

Pretty Table!

One of the greatest challenges about being around young women who are married, working, have children, are healthy, are in graduate school, and otherwise living 'normal' lives is how very easy it is for me to fall into the 'comparison trap'. Oh, what I would give to have her muscles and run miles! Oh, what I would give to travel! Oh, what I would give to be able to eat those foods! Oh, what I would give to wear a cute short dress! Oh, what I would give to be a mom!

Basically, it boils down to: Oh, what I wouldn't give to be healthy!

And then, I must remember that it's not always as perfect for others as it may seem. 

Marjie's First Fritatta

The wine and cheese party led me to connect with other Jewish women, which is how I was invited to the champagne brunch that Marjie hosted. 

When I looked at my week ahead: PCP, GI doc, 14 tubes of blood work that needed to be done five hours before my usual wake-up time, counseling, and saying goodbye to Asher, I thought perhaps I should cut something out of my week. But I refused to miss out on a fun, joyful social event.

Just being able to say: "I went to a champagne brunch" makes me smile and glow.

Most of my social engagements are with people who know enough about me to avoid the awkward 'cold conversation' that usually involves: "What do you do?"; "Are you married?"; "Do you have children?" followed by an "Oh" when I say "No" or "I am unable to work."

Sam, Melissa, Me, Julia, Tara, Stephanie and Marjie

Well, Marjie made the champagne brunch a smashing success that left me filled with joy and very little grief. 

Even a few months ago I could not have imagined waking up two hours early, getting dressed up, attending a gathering with a large group of people and sitting up the entire time. 

It feels AMAZING!

Marjie had us play a fun game (What's your favorite color and why? Who's your celebrity crush? If you were an animal what would you be? If you were stranded on a desert island who would you take with you, what book, what food and what craft project?) that put us all on a level playing field, kept the conversation fun, and avoided the dreaded questions that I never know how to answer.

Marjie also discussed in advance with me all of my food restrictions and not just willingly, but joyfully, offered to do what it took to make sure I could attend.

Three of the women helped me to think about how to reach out to other Jewish people. I also just piped up and said: :"Hey, does anyone live near me? I need a ride home!" And one woman said: "I can take you home. No problem."

That's a start on honoring my list of what matters most to me. 

And champagne is a perfect way to toast to honoring the me I want to be.

Blessings,

Emily